I sometimes think I feel too much, and sometimes I think I don’t feel enough. As I have gotten older, I have also gotten colder. A jaded soul and a cynical heart lurks under my big hair, high heels, and lip gloss. I hear people around me lament about their problems. My exterior self says, “Oh, my. Yes. That must be so difficult for you.” My interior voice isn’t even talking because it’s winded from slapping the person senseless. Do I lack compassion? I think not. My heroes are those who undergo great misfortune and tribulations and who remain strong, who get whatever help is needed to stay strong, and who remain thankful of what they do have instead of crying over what they don’t have.
A friend of mine recently has been dealing with pretty extreme post-partum depression and anxiety. This person is the picture of strength and grace while she fights the fight of her life. She has been strong enough to say she needs help, she has gotten help, she continues to receive help. Most importantly, she has kept going. She doesn’t wallow. She keeps going. This makes me admire her so much and it makes me know that she will beat this. She sees her blessings and keeps going, knowing that forward is always the best direction to move. I hope this friend knows what a hero she is to me, and how much I support her.
Where the jaded soul comes into play is when I am with someone who is so unbelievably blessed, but can’t see it because they choose to only see what their lives are lacking. Most often, these people lack compassion for others, they rarely take part in serving their community, and are often caught up in how they are perceived by others.
I get made fun of quite a bit for my involvement with pageants. However, I have met some of the truest, most selfless women in my pageant experiences. Community service is at the top of their agendas, and one of my pageant sisters has made her commitment to helping the homeless her life’s calling, and her work and dedication both amazes and inspires me.
So, I, The Bluest of Blue Grasshoppers, will always choose to keep going; I will always know how very blessed I am, and I will remain humble by serving others. I never want to be the one who someone like me wants to slap senseless. I will be like my heroes.
And now, I will go have a good cry and a glass of red wine and listen to The Eagles and David Bowie. RIP to Glenn Frey and David Bowie. Your deaths have broken even my black heart. Godspeed. Keep going.